Day two of Blog-o-Rama and I've kept up the pace, fought the good fight, on my way to a gold medal. I absolutely conquered two tests I barely studied for. I also managed not to kill my cat after she stole my jewelry box, dropped my earrings everywhere, and spilled both a cup of coffee and can of Fresca on my floor. This is a feat indeed.
Now, I must say I can't blame her for seeking revenge on me. I did give her the most horrendous hair cut the world has seen since right after Rosie O'Donnell came out the closet.
Don't judge me people- it was all done with the best of intentions. Here's the story… Last week we had a Rat Terrier named Toby stay with us for a while to help out his owner. Patricia (yes, that's my cat's name, not our peri-menopausal, slightly overweight neighbor) seemed to like him. I even convinced myself I saw moments of inter-species snuggling happen, though I did not take into account the fact that young Toby isn't fixed. Then it started- the hair. Clumps of it. HUGE clumps of it. Everywhere! We started watching her more closely and eventually caught her tearing out her fur with her teeth. Being a part-time cat psychologist as well as cat dermatologist I decided it was a mixture of canine induced stress and possibly due to the fact that I sprayed her with perfume a few days before. I decided I would cut off some hair around the most popular areas to stop her from "grooming". Here's the result:
It's so stylish! Very Victoria Beckham-asymmetrical.
I don't know why I decided to only cut off half of her hair. Maybe it was her wiggling, or the mass amounts of fur, or maybe it was the fact that my Harry Potter scissors from 9th grade weren't sharp enough. Regardless, she now looks like a cross between Raggedy Ann, a patchwork quilt, and a porcupine. Poor thing.
But her woes barely compare to Michael Phelps, Olympic gold medalist and former American sweetheart. Caught on camera smoking a bong last week, Phelps is now facing possible criminal charges and is also facing the possibility of losing many of his multiple sponsorships and endorsement deals. Though Speedo and Omega haven't dropped him, Kellog's is another story, having dropped him today.
What I don't understand is why a food company would drop an endorser who is photographed smoking marijuana of all drugs. Take Speedo for instance- If an athlete sits around all day smoking weed, he wouldn't have the energy or lung capacity to hop into a fresh, binding, tiny pair of Speedos and hop into the pool. Or Omega- If an athlete spends all of his money on buying expensive weed, let's say White Widow just for kicks, he wouldn't have the money to buy a designer watch. But what is the #1 best friend of a stoner? Food! I don't get it.
Here's my advice though, Michael. Hop right back into the pool and you'll be fine in no time. Instead of reeking of bong water you'll once again reek of chlorine water. Go for the Gold, don't go for the Green. Sorry that you've lost the respect of some fans and millions in endorsements- somehow I think you'll survive though. But in the end if you don't and you're feeling down, comfort yourself with the fact that at least you got caught smoking a ROOR.
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